So when I trained for my first Ironman, I ended up eating a lot of frozen custard from Old School. It’s freakin’ delicious, and you can’t beat the fact that they have a new flavor every day. I’m not really a “sweets” person; normally I’m more of a savory/salty fan when it comes to food cravings. However, for some reason I just ended up gorging on frozen custard in conjunction with the ridiculous amount of training hours I was racking up each week. I had the calories to spare, so what the hell, why not waste them on frozen snacky snacks.

This year I thought about changing things up a bit. While I’m still intent on losing weight, I’ve decided that Ironman #2 will be fueled with pie. My fellow Ironman Canada alum Bill is married to a woman named Alley, and not only does Alley run like the wind (I don’t know if she’s done any tris, but she’s done a bunch of run races), she bakes pies. Normally I’m not a huge pie freak (again with typically being “meh” with regards to desserts), but I commissioned Alley to make a coconut cream pie for Jason’s birthday last month and once I tasted that coconutty goodness, I got a little hooked.

She even put coconut in the crust, for glob's sake

Like any junkie, soon after polishing off this bad boy I was craving another fix, so after trying to hold out for a couple weeks, I messaged my dealer on Facebook:

Me: “Okay, so I seriously am thinking about buying a pie from you every month. Would that be ridiculous? I’m open to seasonal flavor deliciousness…something seasonal and awesome sounds like it could be a winner for October. Yes, I am addicted to your pies after only having tried one. Don’t judge me.”

Alley: “Hahahaha! I KNEW you’d get hooked! Atta girl!”

And thus my “One Pie Every Month” agreement had been born. On Saturday I picked up October’s flavor, apple. When Jason heard we were getting an apple pie, he had this reaction:

Meh.

But then he saw this hefty motherfucker:

Sweet jebus, look at that crust

When he tried it, he reacted accordingly:

"I'mma have another slice. I ran a lot so don't judge me."

I picked up the pie on Saturday and right now there’s only one slice left. We’ve been pairing our portions with snickerdoodle ice cream from Bluebird for super extreme deliciousness a la mode. (I must point out that despite Jason being fully on board with the Pie of the Month agreement, he’s lost 30 lbs thus far and has been dropping weight like a mofo. So there, I’ve now justified our fat-assness with the fact that we’re mostly being responsible and health-conscious, minus pie.)

November’s pie flavor will obviously be pumpkin. That combined with the fact that Thanksgiving is easily my favorite holiday purely because of the large quantity of food that can be drenched in gravy means my triumphant return to racing (the Seattle half marathon) could either go well because I’ve been injury-free and running well lately, or it could go horribly awry as I stumble 13.1 miles in a bloated pie and starchy haze. Place your bets now!

So, naturally, after Jas and I completed Ironman Canada, a vacation was definitely in order. And there’s nothing we love to do more while vacationing than eat. As such, we packed our bags and headed to Puerto Rico for five days of non-sun (we happened to catch a streak of overcast days) followed by a couple days in Miami. Below is a photo series chronicling how to eat and drink like an Ironman. Bon appetit!

Complimentary wine and cheese provided by our hotel every evening. Yes, EVERY EVENING. We rocked it nightly ever so rightly.

It's not a trip to Puerto Rico without enoying a lunch-time mojito

A fatty and delicious pork quesadilla

Grouper with potatoes and a cream sauce that was so good it should be outlawed

One of the many mofongos of the trip -- basically a dense starchy cup made of plaintains or cassava and filled with goodies (in this case, pork)

One of the best things I've ever eaten -- tiny white bean soup with truffle oil, scallions, and a pancetta "dust"

Shrimp and corn grits

Mini paella bites -- basically the flavors of a paella shrunk down into bite-sized morsels

Lobster risotto. It tasted just like a rich lobster bisque. Yum.

Fois gras with blackberry sauce

Moroccan lamb

Bag-steamed snapper with mussels and crostini

Berry cobbler

Chocolate "donuts" with a berry "soup"

Salad with fresh avocado and citrus marinated potatoes

Pork chop with beans and rice provided by a family living in the boonies in Caguas where we did our eco tour

Homemade corn fritters and tostones

Homemade bread pudding

Bunuelos (fish fritters) with a truffle aioli

Calamari with lobster aioli

A whole fried snapper (complete with head and ugly eyes) stuffed with mofongo. It was so much food that it nearly killed Jason.

Skirt steak with a chimichurri sauce, truffled mashed potatoes with crispy onions, and lobster with a tomato chutney

On our way to the bioluminescent bay, our tour driver said we could have beers in the van so we happily obliged.

I am way too excited for this phallic churro

Mofongo stuffed with shrimp and crab

Beef turnover with tostones, rice, and beans

Cassava mofongo filled with grouper

Paella

Roasted seasoned potatoes with aioli

More bunuelos (fish fritters). Sooooo good.

Beef empanadas

Meatballs with an almond-tomato sauce

Grilled sausage tapas in a chimichurri sauce

Some seriously tasty watermelon sangria

Marinated grilled peaches wrapped in proscuitto

Watermelon topped with grilled feta

Mediterranean apricot chicken kabob atop couscous

Lamb gyro with roasted tomatoes and a cucumber yogurt raita

Our Miami hotel also offered a free wine reception. This should become standard practice.

Pork gyoza

Beef carpaccio, another culinary highlight of the trip. I could have eaten a whole cow's worth of these.

Salmon and tuna tartare with rice crisps

Miso black cod

Sadly, this isn’t everything, it’s just what I managed to snap a photo of before it was devoured. We also inhaled various ceviches, tons of sushi in Miami, a vast assortment of drinks (including the requisite beachside pina coladas), and other metric tons of food. When I came back from vacation, the scale greeted me with five extra pounds and a reminder that it’s time to get back on that “train to eat” regimen. Oh well, it was totally worth it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go grease a pair of pants I want to squeeze into…

Since I’ve started up the triathlon training, however, I’ve learned the hard way that certain foods will bite me in the ass once I’m exercising. It’s gotten to the point that I go out of my way to eat rather benignly on Tuesdays because that’s track night, and I don’t want to feel miserable running around in circles at various intervals while stifling nasty-flavored burps. Below are 5 of the worst offenders that have ruined workouts…or at least made them exceptionally uncomfortable.

1. Anything with garlic and/or pesto. I love garlic, but Jason will attest to how stinky it renders me whenever I eat anything that contains a hefty amount of it. The funk emanates off me, repelling boyfriends and vampires alike. It’s kind of like that episode of The Simpsons where Moe opens up his Family Feedbag restaurant and a little girl draws a picture of him:
   

   "Aw, you drew the stink lines and everythin'."

   The garlic burps are no picnic, either. Today I went for a swim and am pretty glad it was in the pool, because burping in the open water would probably result in a lot of floating dead fish.

2. Asian food. Most Asian food, while delicious at the time of consumption, ends up creeping back around and karate chopping me right in the gut. Japanese food is typically okay unless it’s particularly spicy — the main offenders are usually Thai food and Korean stuff like kimchi or bulgogi. As with garlic and pesto, the core concern here are the burps, although they probably do a pretty decent job of clearing a pathway for me during a race. Hmm, maybe I need to start keeping some bibimbap at transition…
3. Nuun. This isn’t really a food and it is good for pre-race hydration and recoveries, but I eventually learned not to drink it during workouts. Since Nuun has virtually no calories, I’d end up getting a major case of gut rot on brick runs and feeling like I was going to hurl like a spitter in Left 4 Dead 2.
   

   This is what happens when you drink Nuun during a workout.

   It’s kind of weird to think that a lack of calories would make you feel nauseous, but that seems to be the case with a lot of athletes. Oh well, lesson learned.

4. Heavy sauces. I would eat gyros from Aladdin’s every day of the week if I could, but their tzatziki sauce would come back and murder me later on. There’s also this place in the U-District called Shalimar, and they have these crazy delicious Middle Eastern sandwiches. I learned the hard way not to eat there before a track workout, as I spent the majority of my 400s clutching my stomach and hawking up yogurt-spiced loogies.
5. Tequila. This one’s kind of a no-brainer, but to be fair, it’s not like I drank a few shots and then went for a run…I ran the day after drinking my body weight in añejo-y goodness. This is about 75% Mark’s fault and 25% mine and Jason’s, because we probably shouldn’t have gotten him two bottles of tequila for Christmas, but then again, he shouldn’t have made us drink about eight shots each after already having a few margaritas. Dear god.

Nowadays if I know I’ve got a really hard workout involving intervals, sprints, speed work, etc, I eat pretty “boring” stuff like a sandwich or some eggs or a salad. The shitty thing is that even an innocuous food item has occasionally kicked me in the proverbial balls — one time I had really gross burps at track after eating a Luna bar, and another time a banana has tried to smite me.

As 2009 draws to a close, one of my main goals for 2010 is to eat better, not only so I’m healthier and more trim, but to cut down on these B.S. burps and the ick factor during what will be many, many workouts next year. We’ll see how well that goes… ;)