Mediocrely Dressed Athlete

I work out with a fairly big group of people, and the vast majority of the women have such an unreal wardrobe of workout apparel that it’s giving me quite the complex. Half of these girls look like fitness models, rocking out in cute, bright colored tops and pants. I, on the other hand, am not so blessed…

Case in point: On Tuesday I show up at track wearing my Seafair pirate finisher’s shirt (arrrrrrghhh!) and a sad pair of shorts that make my stump legs look even shorter than usual. I also have some decidedly unattractive bags under my eyes and a sloppy ponytail. When doing my warmup, I notice two of my teammates running side by side looking like the Doublemint twins in matching lime green tops and cute little shorts. They’re all bright-eyed and hardly breaking a sweat, and their ponytails are bouncing like they’re in some uber-chic shampoo commercial where the models shake out their hair in slow motion.

The fashion doesn’t end with those two though. I think most of my teammates with two X chromosomes are sponsored by Lulu Lemon. No joke, freaking every female athlete I know has virtually their entire spring collection. One time I ducked into the store so I could emulate the cool kids, and not only could I not fit my massive stump quad into a pair of shorts (the sizing there is suicide-inducing), the clothes are so expensive that I suspect my female teammates are operating a secret meth lab in order to afford this lavish wardrobe.

Admittedly, my workout clothes collection is pretty sad. It mostly consists of a too-big finisher’s shirt from a previous race and a cheapo pair of shorts. Every once in a while I’ll even bust out a couple of sad cotton tank tops I bought at Target about five years ago. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have cute plaid and pink and pastel tops that wick sweat and auto-spray perfume on me to counteract any funky odor my body is unleashing, but I can’t a) afford said wondrous clothing, or b) wear any of these tops without sporting a massive sausage roll around my midsection.

It seems that a lot of stars need to align before I can improve the gear; namely, continuing Operation De-Chunkify and possibly winning the lottery. Until then, look for the tired girl in the ill-fitting Rock ‘n Roll Marathon finisher’s shirt and bunched up shorts and tell her she looks good. 😉

6 Responses to “ “Mediocrely Dressed Athlete”

  1. Bri says:

    bahghghahahah I’ve been waiting for you to call this out on here. damn lululemon and their double mint gear 🙂 and you do look good, always kicking my ass!

  2. Teresa says:

    When your b-day girl!!! We’ll take care of you!!! And you do look good BTW!


  3. Tola F. says:

    Lol, I know what you mean! When I go to the gym(not very regular though, I wonder why!) I make a very strong effort not to look at anyone else, heaven only knows what I would do if I did! Maybe work myself to death to look like them!!

  4. Ardith says:

    I cut my hair off and now I can barely get it to stay up between a headband and a gajillion bobby pins. Throw in some old cheer and dance competition t-shirts and a pair of Soffee shorts, and you have my outfit. Charmingly disheveled.

  5. Triathlete-Wannabe... says:

    GIRL! I hear you! Running Thur night I’m looking around and the other women are in these adorable running skirts, matching tops, cute visors. I’m in my second-hand spandex with some crap tank top thrown on. And I wonder why I’m single… hmmmmmm

  6. Steph Woods says:

    You are so not alone on this. My gym and running gear all consists of old tank tops that have devolved into workout gear (aka have holes and don’t hold their shape very well). Actually I did buy one wicks-away-sweat Nike top once from Winners a few years ago… but I wash and wear it every other day.

    I don’t think I’ll ever become on of those Lululemon wearing gals. (And I live in a town where it’s practically uniform.)

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