I’m Also a Mediocre Snowboarder

Jan 26

I’m Also a Mediocre Snowboarder

By now you’re well aware of my mediocrity as a triathlete, but did you know that I also fancy myself a mediocre snowboarder? Well, I do. A few years ago Jason and his family took me up to Stevens so I could rent a snowboard and hurl myself down the mountain. When we got there, we saw that Stevens was jam-packed full of people so we ended up hanging out at a family friend’s cabin, sledding down hills and engaging in general tomfoolery. At one point Jason’s sister let me ride her snowboard down the hill. I strapped in, shoved off and rocketed down about 20 feet before catching the front edge of the board and catapulting myself face first into a mound of cold, white, unyielding snow. And wouldn’t you know it, my dumb ass thought, “I should do this more often.” A former coworker of mine gave me her several-years-old Burton snowboard that was too large and weighed about 50 lbs, and I boarded two or three times that season. That’s a picture of me trying to look impressive at Whistler. Don’t let the grin fool you: there was no new snow all week, and my noob self ended up plowing heelside down icy mountainsides and wondering why this gigantically heavy board wouldn’t obey my legs’ commands. I eventually got tired of riding on a “butt-ass ugly” board (as my friend Matt affectionately called it), so at the beginning of my second boarding season I headed over to Evo and bought myself a gorgeous new Burton Lux snowboard. I took my pretty new snowboard to Stevens that season, where I falling leafed down the mountain and killed my quads due to my inept skills. By now I had become skilled at posing for photos on the mountain decked in my gear and holding a board, but I was still pretty craptastic as far as actual boarding skills go. I couldn’t get the hang of going toeside, meaning I couldn’t link my turns when traversing down a mountain. Of course, snowboarding a whopping 2-3 times per season probably wasn’t helping me improve my skills that much. At that rate, I would become a proficient snowboarder just in time...

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