Announcing My Professional Debut as an Almost-Swimmer

Dec 30

Announcing My Professional Debut as an Almost-Swimmer

Today, Rebecca Kelley, a 30-year old mediocre athlete who has somehow managed to complete two Ironman-distance races despite her unwillingness to get out of her warm bed and train most of the time, announced that she will be turning pro in the one discipline she excels at the most: very nearly doing her swim workouts but never actually completing them.

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How an American Gladiator Helped My Boyfriend Plan the Best Marriage Proposal Ever

Oct 22

How an American Gladiator Helped My Boyfriend Plan the Best Marriage Proposal Ever

On October 12, after nine supremely awesome years of dating, the BFG surprised me with an epic marriage proposal in New York City that involved the eager participation of a former American Gladiator. No, I’m not kidding.

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Pain in the Ass

Oct 10

Pain in the Ass

I’m currently sitting on a flight from Seattle to New York (well, Newark) feeling fidgety and uncomfortable. No, it’s not because of your standard “sardines packed into a tin” dread of being crammed into a metal bird with a couple hundred of your closest germ-riddled stranger-neighbors. My constant shifting and pained expressions have to do with something horribly awful and appropriately Mediocre.

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Grand Theft Auto V Includes a Triathlon Mini-Game

Sep 19

Grand Theft Auto V Includes a Triathlon Mini-Game

Grand Theft Auto V debuted this Tuesday, which was also Jason’s birthday, so to be a good girlfriend, I pre-ordered it for him so he could play this week. In addition to being able to fondle strippers at the club and visit a medical marijuana dispensary in-game, apparently you can also race in a triathlon.

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I Just Signed Up for My First 50k. I am Not a Smart Person.

Sep 09

I Just Signed Up for My First 50k. I am Not a Smart Person.

This morning, Jas egged me on to sign up for my first 50k, the Orcas Island race on February 1, 2014. I plunked down the money to register and forgot about it somewhat until it dawned on me that I should check out the actual course description and terrain for this race. So I did.

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The Ironman Suicide Pact

Aug 27

The Ironman Suicide Pact

A friend and teammate of mine just posted on Facebook that she signed up for her first Ironman-distance triathlon. She warned another teammate of ours that she better not let her down because our teammate was planning to sign up for Coeur d’Alene, too. This, my friends, is the classic Ironman Suicide Pact.

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My Mid-Run Defense Mechanism

Aug 23

My Mid-Run Defense Mechanism

What happens when I’m in the running zone and someone disturbs me? Regardless of whether it’s a complete stranger or my partner of several years, the result is often flailing, screams, and a wild defense mechanism.

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