Announcing My Professional Debut as an Almost-Swimmer

Announcing My Professional Debut as an Almost-Swimmer
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: 12/30/2013 Rebecca Kelley Mediocre Industries mediocreathlete@gmail.com Mediocre Athlete Announces Professional Debut as Almost-Swimmer 30-Year Old Female the First to Go Pro in Threatening to Swim Seattle, WA: Today, Rebecca Kelley, a 30-year old mediocre athlete who has somehow managed to complete two Ironman-distance races despite her unwillingness to get out of her warm bed and train most of the time, announced that she will be turning pro in the one discipline she excels at the most: very nearly doing her swim workouts but never actually completing them. After nearly a year...
read more

How an American Gladiator Helped My Boyfriend Plan the Best Marriage Proposal Ever

How an American Gladiator Helped My Boyfriend Plan the Best Marriage Proposal Ever
On October 12, after nine supremely awesome years of dating, the BFG surprised me with an epic marriage proposal in New York City that involved the eager participation of a former American Gladiator. No, I’m not kidding. This post has nothing to do with mediocre fitness but the engagement has enough of a backstory that I figured I’d write about it so I can just pass the link along to anyone who squeals and asks how Jason proposed to me. If you’re all about the sports stuff, skip this one. If, however, you’d like to read a somewhat long but amusing, pop-culture-rich tale of how a...
read more

Pain in the Ass

Pain in the Ass
I’m currently sitting on a flight from Seattle to New York (well, Newark) feeling fidgety and uncomfortable. No, it’s not because of your standard “sardines packed into a tin” dread of being crammed into a metal bird with a couple hundred of your closest germ-riddled stranger-neighbors. Nor is it because I’m a nervous flier (though I don’t take descents well). My constant shifting and pained expressions have to do with something else, something horribly awful and appropriately Mediocre. Allow me to rewind to yesterday afternoon. I was at Elite Fitness (they must have...
read more

Grand Theft Auto V Includes a Triathlon Mini-Game

Grand Theft Auto V Includes a Triathlon Mini-Game
Grand Theft Auto V debuted this Tuesday, which was also Jason’s birthday, so to be a good girlfriend, I pre-ordered it for him so he could play this week. The game is much more immersive and expansive than its predecessor. In addition to being able to fondle strippers at the club and visit a medical marijuana dispensary, apparently you can also race in a triathlon: Clearly a triathlete wrote the dialog, because gems like “My watch shocks me if I go off-pace,” “Now this is a mid-life crisis I can enjoy!”, the painful grunts as your player switched from the bike to the run,...
read more

I Just Signed Up for My First 50k. I am Not a Smart Person.

I Just Signed Up for My First 50k. I am Not a Smart Person.
Jason the BFG has gotten into trail running this past season. He’s been on a running roll all year, really — last October, he ran a 2:57 at the Portland Marathon and qualified for Boston, and in the past year he’s podiumed at a few small trail races. He ran his first 50k, Chuckanut, in the spring, and in July he tackled his first ever 50-miler, the White River 50. So as he continues to enjoy tackling the trails, his efforts to bully me into going trail running with him have increased noticeably. This morning, Jas egged me on to sign up for my first 50k, the Orcas Island race on...
read more

The Ironman Suicide Pact

The Ironman Suicide Pact
A friend and teammate of mine just posted on Facebook that she signed up for her first Ironman-distance triathlon, Ironman Coeur d’Alene. Along with the Active.com registration link, she included an appropriate first-timer reaction of “Oh. My. God. What have I done!?” and warned another teammate of ours that she better not let her down because our teammate was planning to sign up for Coeur d’Alene, too. This, my friends, is the classic Ironman Suicide Pact. I’m a big supporter of the Ironman Suicide Pact. In 2009, when I drove up to Penticton to spectate Ironman Canada and...
read more

« Previous Entries