I enjoy watching/making fun of/rooting for the chubby contestants from The Biggest Loser, but this show really knows how to piss off an athlete. In last night’s episode, previous contestant Tara (the girl with the weirdly spaced teeth who won more challenges than any other contestant in show history) returned to tow a car alongside the current season’s cast of shrinking folks. She mentioned a new charity she set up and then dropped the bomb that she would be competing in the Ironman World Championships in Kona this fall. I’m all for these folks feeling empowered and strong and getting...

My brother was a high jumper in high school, and he was quite good. He also excelled at hurdles — at 6′2″, he and my other brother were not cursed with the dreaded Stumpy Asian Legs Syndrome that afflicts me to this day. The same track coach who coached my brother attempted to coax me to try out for track, figuring I could bring the same skills over to the girls team, but after seeing me nearly kill myself on the low hurdles, he realized that some talents do not extend to all family members. I think this girl also had an older brother who excelled in a sport that she was ultimately...

I thought I’d introduce a new weekly feature on Mediocre Athlete, partly because there are so many examples of mediocrity in the world that I’d be remiss not to share them with you, and partly to motivate me to get off my lazy off-season ass and update the blog regularly. So without further ado, I present to you the first Mediocre Athlete of the Week, the New York Giants. If you watched Sunday’s game of the Giants vs. the Philadelphia Eagles, you saw a self-destruction of pretty impressive proportions. Up 31-10 with less than eight minutes remaining in the 4th quarter, it appeared as...

The New York Times recently wrote an article about the growing sport of triathlon and how older people are getting into it. At the end of the article there’s a blurb about a triathlete from Stamford named Eric Goodman: “Mr. Goodman agreed, though his main concern now isn’t how he looks in the mirror, but making sure that he isn’t ‘chick-ed’ at the next race — slang for being beaten by a woman.” Really, Mr. Goodman? You’re more concerned about being passed by a female triathlete than you are about how fit and healthy you are? You’re a fucking...

All of the Ironman Canada athletes received a little magazine that included a list of every athlete who was racing. If the athlete specified his or her profession when s/he signed up, it was also included in the list. I perused pages of athlete names and found a number of professions that stood out as amusing or unique in some way. Below are my 30 favorite athlete professions from Ironman Canada 2010: 1. Bev Smith  — Geriatric Whisperer I bet only her soothing voice and promise of Werther’s Originals and reruns of Murder, She Wrote can calm the elderly. 2. Sean Darragh — Corpse...