How to Eat Like an Ironman

How to Eat Like an Ironman

If you’re a serious athlete, you eat to train. I am not a serious athlete, so I reverse that mantra. Jas and I love food more than our non-existent children (those ungrateful little shitheads), so we train to eat. A big chunk of why I dutifully put up with working out upwards of 15 hours a week is so I can enjoy cramming poutine, frozen custard, handmade tagliatelle, and other unhealthy deliciousness into my gaping mouth until my belly is as bloated as Val Kilmer’s face.

So, naturally, after Jas and I completed Ironman Canada, a vacation was definitely in order. And there’s nothing we love to do more while vacationing than eat. As such, we packed our bags and headed to Puerto Rico for five days of non-sun (we happened to catch a streak of overcast days) followed by a couple days in Miami. Below is a photo series chronicling how to eat and drink like an Ironman. Bon appetit!

Complimentary wine and cheese provided by our hotel every evening. Yes, EVERY EVENING. We rocked it nightly ever so rightly.

It's not a trip to Puerto Rico without enoying a lunch-time mojito

A fatty and delicious pork quesadilla

Grouper with potatoes and a cream sauce that was so good it should be outlawed

One of the many mofongos of the trip -- basically a dense starchy cup made of plaintains or cassava and filled with goodies (in this case, pork)

One of the best things I've ever eaten -- tiny white bean soup with truffle oil, scallions, and a pancetta "dust"

Shrimp and corn grits

Mini paella bites -- basically the flavors of a paella shrunk down into bite-sized morsels

Lobster risotto. It tasted just like a rich lobster bisque. Yum.

Fois gras with blackberry sauce

Moroccan lamb

Bag-steamed snapper with mussels and crostini

Berry cobbler

Chocolate "donuts" with a berry "soup"

Salad with fresh avocado and citrus marinated potatoes

Pork chop with beans and rice provided by a family living in the boonies in Caguas where we did our eco tour

Homemade corn fritters and tostones

Homemade bread pudding

Bunuelos (fish fritters) with a truffle aioli

Calamari with lobster aioli

A whole fried snapper (complete with head and ugly eyes) stuffed with mofongo. It was so much food that it nearly killed Jason.

Skirt steak with a chimichurri sauce, truffled mashed potatoes with crispy onions, and lobster with a tomato chutney

On our way to the bioluminescent bay, our tour driver said we could have beers in the van so we happily obliged.

I am way too excited for this phallic churro

Mofongo stuffed with shrimp and crab

Beef turnover with tostones, rice, and beans

Cassava mofongo filled with grouper


Roasted seasoned potatoes with aioli

More bunuelos (fish fritters). Sooooo good.

Beef empanadas

Meatballs with an almond-tomato sauce

Grilled sausage tapas in a chimichurri sauce

Some seriously tasty watermelon sangria

Marinated grilled peaches wrapped in proscuitto

Watermelon topped with grilled feta

Watermelon topped with grilled feta

Mediterranean apricot chicken kabob atop couscous

Lamb gyro with roasted tomatoes and a cucumber yogurt raita

Our Miami hotel also offered a free wine reception. This should become standard practice.

Pork gyoza

Beef carpaccio, another culinary highlight of the trip. I could have eaten a whole cow's worth of these.

Salmon and tuna tartare with rice crisps

Miso black cod

Sadly, this isn’t everything, it’s just what I managed to snap a photo of before it was devoured. We also inhaled various ceviches, tons of sushi in Miami, a vast assortment of drinks (including the requisite beachside pina coladas), and other metric tons of food. When I came back from vacation, the scale greeted me with five extra pounds and a reminder that it’s time to get back on that “train to eat” regimen. Oh well, it was totally worth it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go grease a pair of pants I want to squeeze into…

11 Responses to “ “How to Eat Like an Ironman”

  1. Sara Keogh says:

    And you only gained 5 pounds!!!??? That was my DREAM vacation you just posted! OMG.

  2. Hurricane says:

    OK…jokes on us. So you spent your entire trip walking around to EVERYONES tables snapping their food photos…
    CAUSE THERE IS NOOOO WAY you got through all of that 🙂

  3. Bri says:

    You know how to vacation! That sangria pic must be from your drunken texts to me 🙂 ?!?

  4. Barbara Logan says:

    I see a new career in your future – as a culinary tour guide. What fun.

  5. Mary Moltman says:

    I can’t remember how I stumbled upon your blog, but I have to say, I love how you vacation!
    Work out hard, eat hard – can’t beat that!

  6. john1149599 says:

    keep up the great work on the site. I love it. Could maybe use some more updates more often, but i am sure that you have got other things things to do like we all have to do unfortunately. =) 11495

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